Thursday humor

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

Wednesday humor

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.

My cornbread dressing

4 pkgs Morrisons Corn-kits prepared

5 slices wheat bread crumbs

1 can Campbells French Onion Soup

1 can Campbells Cream of Chicken Soup

4 cups chicken broth or turkey drippings

6 ounces apple juice

Saute the following in butter and add to above mixture: 1 diced onion, one diced red, orange or yellow bell pepper, 3 stalks celery

4 diced boiled eggs

poultry seasoning to taste.  I started with 1 tablespoon and added from there

bake at 350 for approximately 45 minutes or until top begins to brown.

IT’S YUMMY!!!

A Fairy Tale

One day, long, long ago…….  there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

But this was a long time ago……. and it was just that one day.

The End

Happy Veterans Day

To all the men and women in all areas of service, Thank you for defending our country!

Dia de los muertos – Day of the dead

The Day of the Dead is a holiday celebrated widely in the Mexican culture of Mexico and North America.  The purpose it to remember and celebrate the lives of deceased family and friends.  On this day I will celebrate the lives of these people: My Dad, Gene Kenley: Grandmother, Dessie Redwine; Cousin, Jan Furrh; best g/friend Connie; best guy friend; Charles.  There are many more, but those specifically who have left this life most recently.  A friend at work told me yesterday that in the Mexican culture there are 3 deaths: when the spirit leaves the body, when the body is burried and the final is when no one remembers you.

May the souls of these dearly departed, rest in peace.

Sucess through the ages

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is. . having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is. having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is. .. . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 successes is . . . not peeing in your pants.

Helpful hints

1.  Budweiser beer conditions the hair
2.  Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish
3.  Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes
4.  Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair
5.  Elmer’s Glue – paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads if any
6.  Shiny Hair – use brewed Lipton Tea
7.  Sunburn – empty a large jar of instant Nestea into your bath water
8.  Minor burn – Colgate or Crest toothpaste
9.  Burn your tongue?  Put sugar on it!

10.  Arthritis?  WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too
11.  Bee stings – meat tenderizer
12.  Chigger bite – Preparation H
13.  Puffy eyes – Preparation H [Not in the eye, but around on the skin only.]
14.  Paper cut – crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals)
15.  Stinky feet – Jell-O !
16.  Athletes feet – cornstarch
17.  Fungus on toenails or fingernails – Vicks vapor rub
18.  Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes.  Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet.
(Wow, and we drink this stuff)
19.  Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool Aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won’t hurt them if they eat it!
20.  Peanut butter – will get scratches out of CD’s!  Wipe off with a coffee filter paper
21.  Sticking bicycle chain – Pam no-stick cooking spray
22.  Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands!  Keep a can in your garage for your hubby
23.  Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls
24.  When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on
25.  Heavy dandruff – pour on the vinegar!
26.  Body paint – Crisco mixed with food coloring.  Heat the Crisco in th e microwave, pour in to an empty film container and mix with the food color of your choice!
27.  Tie Dye T-shirt – mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak
28.  Preserving a newspaper clipping – large bottle of club soda and cup of milk of magnesia, soak for 20 min.  and let dry, will last for many years!
29.  A Slinky will hold toast and CD’s!
30.  To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste
31.  Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.
32.  To remove wax – Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel.
33.  Remove labels off glassware etc.  rub with Peanut butter!
34.  Baked on food – fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it.  Soak overnight.  Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak overnight!
35.  Crayon on the wall – Colgate toothpaste and brush it!
36.  Dirty grout – Listerine
37.  Stains on c lothes – Colgate
38.  Grass stains – Karo Syrup
39.  Grease Stains – Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight.  We know it will take corrosion from car batteries!
40.  Fleas in your carpet?  20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours.  Maybe this will work if you get them back again.
41.  To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayer aspirin, or just use 7-up instead of water

Saturday funny

Three Men on a Hike

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, Violent river. Needing to get to the
other side, the first man prayed:

‘God, please give me the strength to cross the river.’

Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim  across in about 2 hours, having
almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed: ‘God, please give me strength, And the tools to cross the river’

Poof! …. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was Able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to th e first two men, the third man prayed:  ‘God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross The r iver’

Poof! …. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

Thought for The Day – July 15, 2008

Enjoy the trip called the journey of life…..the destination is final.

Tomorrow my youngest son will be 31 years old.  I was wondering today where it had all gone.  My life is like most, with its ups and downs.  There are some things that, if I could, I would have done differently.  If I had I then I would not be the person I have become today.  I’m not unhappy how my life turned out.  My only real regrets are those things that have harmed others, specifically my family.