I was talking to my sister on the phone today and she told me that I could write a book about my dealings with our Mother. She said it would be a best seller. Well I could write a book, but…….
I was thinking about some of the escapades my parents had pulled in their last 40 years together and there is one that I thought to be quite funny.
Now my Mom had a negative opinion on everything and was sure to tell you about it if given half a chance. Repeated several thousand times for effect. Usually that opinion was about my Dad. She knew that I was a Daddy's girl and at every opportunity had to tell me what misbehavior he was currently up to.
My Dad didn't have a little drinking problem – he was a raging alcoholic. The Indian and fire water thing…they did not mix. When he would drink, she would bitch, he'd beat the hell out of her. Many times one or the other would leave, file for divorce and get back together upon paying out divorce monies.
I would say, "Mother, when he's drinking just don't say ANYTHING." That is like telling the sun when and where to rise and set. Never could she do that.
This particular instance was during a long drunken binge. Every day fights and reports to me. After the first day I would pick up the phone, hi Mom, lay it down on my desk. After a few minutes I'd pick it up and say "ummmmmmmmmm".
Then came the call. "I've called the police on your Daddy." I didn't put the phone down. "What happened" I asked. He duct taped my whole head and only left me room to breathe. "NO SHIT" I say. "Yes, and I am at the neighbors waiting for the police to get here…they are pulling my hair out trying to get the tape off."
The next phone call was to the hubbie of the hour. I relate this bizarre story to him. He very gently says…"Sandra, are you crying or laughing?" I was laughing my ass off. All my life I wanted her to just be quiet….my Daddy is a friggin GENIOUS!
P.S. There is this person who lives in my house. When her husband is home she is on his ass from can to can't. Where in the hell is that damned duct tape.