You may be an alcoholic if……..

If you’ve ever been arrested…while in jail.

If you’ve ever had sunburn…..on the roof of your mouth.

Stolen from Ray V, AA circuit speaker.

From my own file….

If you’ve ever said…”I’m going to go get ‘pot huggin drunk’.”

If you’ve ever said…..”Who, ME? I DO NOT have a drinking problem…You’d drive anyone to drink.”

If you’ve ever worked your way out of the cell and are having a beer in the jailers tub having a bubble bath.

If you’re finally out of jail, standing in the middle of your wardrobe, with a prepaid bus ticket home.

From my file, is true. Now you know why, for the last 21 years, I haven’t had a drink. Besides tequila makes my clothes fall off…….

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24 Responses to You may be an alcoholic if……..

  1. bofh69 says:

    “Besides tequila makes my clothes fall off…….”

    I love you mom, but ewwwww……

  2. Mom says:

    I knew that reaction was coming from at LEAST one of my kids. Figured it would be the Bastard first. As well it should. Can't wait til your kids make "old" comments to you.

  3. bofhjr716 says:

    “Besides tequila makes my clothes fall off…….”

    Jesus mom!!!!! The visual!!! blech

  4. susan hobson says:

    i don’t drink tequila…..am i still an alcoholic?

  5. pcnewman1963 says:

    Only hard alcohol I can drink. LOVE MY TEQUILA!! Yum, Yum!! 🙂 🙂

  6. jcoftw says:

    Really kidding about the tequila….my drink of choice was any good Canadian Blended Whiskey. Damn, while typing that, I could still remember the taste and how it made fireworks go off in my stomach.

  7. bofh69 says:

    If you wind up on the side of the road knowing where you were going, but not realizing how the fuck you got there. Been there, done that.

  8. bofh69 says:

    If you have damned near beat your sister to death, but don’t remember what you were mad about. Been there, done that.

  9. bofh69 says:

    If you wake up in someone’s front yard, no clue whose yard it is, beer bottle in one hand, six pack in the other. Sit up, finish the beer in your hand and open another while you try to figure out where the fuck you are. Been there, done that.

  10. bofh69 says:

    Should I keep going mom, or is this TMI?

  11. jcoftw says:

    and driving to Lubbock in a blackout from Austin, coming to and asking Keith wtf are we?

  12. bofh69 says:

    For damned sure. Another good one was waking up on the beach in South Padre with a very young, and very naked chick under a blanket with me and asking myself who is she, and what the hell happened. She did have a nice body though. 😀

  13. bofh69 says:

    If you go to a bar with your dad and you are 15 and you wind up getting just as drunk as he did. Been there, done that.

  14. jcoftw says:

    When you get cut off at the bar at a restaurant….

  15. jcoftw says:

    When the nicest bar that still lets you in their place is called “The Stumble In”

  16. jcoftw says:

    When your favorite bar does a weapons search before you go in…and if you don’t have one they issue you one. I carried one in my purse….no prob.

  17. jcoftw says:

    The Bastard and I can go on ad infinitum.

  18. susan h. says:

    when you go to LaBare’s thinking you will be safe just drinking and admiring the men dancers and STILL go home with the bartender!!

  19. Jcoftw says:

    LMAO – now that is my kind of drinker. 😀

  20. justnonna says:

    You know you are a pretty bad alcoholic when you return to a bar 10 years sober/later and the manager still eyes you accusingly.

  21. jcoftw says:

    When the bar owner offers to cover for you if you’ll shoot the asshole you’re holding the pistol on.

  22. jcoftw says:

    When that same bar owner disappears from sight and is there waiting for you at your first AA meeting. He said, "I wondered if you'd make it here".  (I'm happy to say, I saw him not long ago on a visit to Lubbock.  He's still sober too.  😀 )

  23. bofhjr716 says:

    While sitting in the county joint, you get a letter saying your folks had to rent a 30 cubic yard roll-off waste container to clean out all the beer and Jim Beam bottles from a weekend bender…..been there, done that

  24. jcoftw says:

    yes….as a matter of fact I did that for both of you boys.

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