I Owe my Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, ! that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Stollen from Susie Brown – 2nd shift supervisor at work.

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6 Responses to I Owe my Mother

  1. Bofhjr says:

    How do you say thank you to the women that stand by their children thru thick and thin, day in and day out and thru tragedy and celebration? Words cannot ever convey what a child’s heart is saying about their Moms. I hope all the Moms out their today have a great day and I sure wish I was with mine, both my real Mom and my adopted one! The two of you have a great day.

  2. The Blonde says:

    Happy Mother’s Day to you John, because you are Mother and Father to Daryl. Have a great day. 🙂

  3. bofh69 says:

    That is a damned good point. There are lots of people in this world who have had to function as both father and mother. Happy mother’s day John! You do a fantastic job of doing both and I am proud to call you brother!

  4. jcoftw says:

    To all the single fathers….Happy Mothers day. I love you John. 😀

  5. Bofhjr says:

    Thank you to the both.

  6. gina says:

    What did I do in my past life to raise someone elses child that was NOTHING like me when I was a child? God is cruel. Just joking. Shardae’ has taught me so much about myself – it isn’t funny.

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