I have never lost a spouse.  I’ve misplaced a few, but never through death. 

Danny called me tonight – I think he is searching for his.  He told me he’s thinking of packing up his house and going to Japan.  I said hell no.  Not for a year, you do not make that kind of life changing decision NOW!  And I know I guilt tripped him.  I told him that his children have lost their Mom and he does not have the right to drink himself to death and deprive them of a Dad too.  He told me how much he’s always loved talking to me.  Sarcastic as the rest of the bastard children.  I told him I love him and to please get professional help.  And call me anytime he wants to.  Ok Mom.  And did I tell you – I think I’m going to pack up the house and move to Japan….

How many times have I told people….you can not reason with someone whose drunk.  Tomorrow he probably will not remember talking to me.

Thank you God for my own sobriety.  Help this child find peace.


13 Responses to Grief

  1. happychick says:

    Aww Danny… I saw what my Mum went through- and it was horrible, because they were in the midst of a stciky separation… Poor guy. I just can’t imagine how he must be feeling…

  2. The Bastard says:

    Amen Mom, amen! I told him the same thing….one drunk to another.

  3. charline (shotsie) says:

    I try to start my morning off reading this “blog” most of the times I get a laugh but this morning it brought tears down my face and a sadness. It is hard to lose a loved one and I can’t imagine how it would be to lose your soul mate and have children to have to live for too! And be drinking too! OMG seems like to much on any one’s plate (my opinion) but we all know God doesn’t give us to much. My prayers are with him and his family!

  4. Sandra says:

    This kid has endured so much. Fr. Richard says that in times of adversity we can be assured that God is close, protecting us.

  5. charline (shotsie) says:

    My favorite Prayer even as a little girl when things were sooo bad I clung to it and even today it is just if not more important to me “Footprints In The Sand” So just as F. Richard said “God is close and protecting” so does this prayer to me!

  6. Mr Angry says:

    Your guidance will help I’m sure Sandra. And what’s with the misplacing of spouses? Have you tried lost and found at the local bus terminal – they always have all sorts of weird things.

  7. 1steak says:

    i dont know if its because i’m an asshole or because i’m a guy? probably both. part of me feels compassion (i can only imagine the disbelief and sadness) and the other part of me wants me to tell him to get off the cross and go fuck yourself in the neck with it. cmon your kids need ya. if he was related to me…thats what i was thinking. i will be praying for him tonight. and his children. my wife lost her father when she was 16. she has 7 other brothers and sisters. believe me, his children need him more then ever. there will come a time for him.
    the male asshole north of connecticut,

  8. The Blonde says:

    I lost a lot of my faith in God when he took my younger brother 9 years ago, and when he took Danny’s wife, I think the rest of it went out the window. Mark says to stop using God’s name badly, my question is why, what do I owe God? I don’t know why he has all of the sudden decided to quit using God’s name in bad text, never bothered him before. I don’t even know if there is a God any more. I feel for Danny and his kids. I think the drinking is the worse thing that he can do. He needs a clear head, not just for him, but for those kids. I am so sorry for him and my heart aches for him.

  9. Sandra says:

    Mr. Angry – The spouses get misplaced – generally beneath the bus I kick them under.

    John Patrick – ‘I don’t know if its because i’m an asshole or a guy? oooooooo can you say redundant? 😀

    and that is how i misplace hubbies. 😀

    Pauline – questioning makes me crazy. I know that as surely as we are born we are going to die. It’s easy to see the reason for the old folks – it is to make room for the new ones. The rest…..i don’t know. I just ask God that they rest in peace. I have to believe that there is a God and an afterlife. I have to believe that my Dad is in a better place. Much of his life was a living hell – I have to believe he is finally having a good time.

  10. Debe says:

    I still don’t know what I believe about God and death. I just know today I don’t have to know all the answers.
    I talked to my Dr. about it once when I was having trouble sleeping at night because the thought of my own death was paralysing me with fear. He said “oh, I don’t know, all the dead people I know seem to be doing ok as far as I can tell” for some reason that helps.
    I still cry for my cats every night and talk to them at bedtime, can’t even fathom losing a spouse. But, I do know drinking will take anything bad and make it much, much worse.

  11. 1steak says:

    mrs. blonde
    i dont know what we owe god.
    thats not necessarily true. i do ask him to keep me safe. by being safe i am able to meet my current responsibilities. i thank him for the life i am living and for the gifts he has given me. when my mother died and my grandfather (most recently) i was able to understand that dying is something we all must do. it was their time then, and it will be my time later. the anger i felt initially had to be transformed to a better more clear understanding of the fact we all must die. it was only then i could feel the sadness that was fueling the anger. once i could be sad i was able to be comforted. by being comforted i could address my responsibilities. at the time it was to help them die and it was to comfort my family. it was in comforting others and caring for my dying family members and to normalize the dying process for my children, my wife and my other family members. i was able to thank god not for their dying but for having them AS my family members in life. the sadness i feel is just a part of my life now. it is not something i stiffle nor is something i wallow in. today i brought my children to see my mothers close friend. we both cried a little but i am teaching my children that my mother was loved by human beings and that she touched others as well. support from my bride has been immeasurable to this process i call my life. i am thankful to her as much as i am thankful to god.

  12. Sandra says:

    John, thank you for sharing your mothers illness with me as it was happening. It helped me so much dealing with my own dads death. It also helped me be able to share my own grief with you as I was feeling it. You express beautifully the process that you went through.

  13. happychick says:

    I know the conversation is basically over, but I read what The Blonde wrote and it got me thinking about God and all that. personally, I do beleive there is some sort of God. But he has brought sadness into my life too. And into the lives of my friends. And into Danny’s life. But all those times when he hassaved lives? When he has enriched them? He has quite a job on his hands, indeed. But he cannot protect us all. And I think that God, or whomever it is that each person, respectively, belaives in, is a sort of hope- a safehaven, that miracles can occur, and that prayers can come true. Many people, without a higher power to look to for guidance, may lose their paths. I do not put too much faith in what I cannot see, and what cannot be proven. But for God, if indeed, he is God, I thank him for blessing Danny with such a group of people, with such a fmily who will guide him through this- who will protect him, who will keep him safe. And I thank God for that, and that only- for spreading the love, and for helping Danny keep his chin up. 🙂
    Ah, what a rant that turned into. And from a teenage girl? Do not put too much faith in that, people.

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