Once again, The Washington Post has published the winners to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply meanings for common words.
The winners are:
- Coffee (n) the person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- Abdicate (v) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade (v) to attemt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj) impotent.
- Negligent (adj) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
- Lymph (v) to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n) olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash (n) a rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- Pokemon (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
- Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
- Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post’s Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year’s winners”
- Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
- Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house (or car), which renders subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
- Giraffiti (n.) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Sarchasm (n.) The gulf between the aurthor of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it. (There is no chasm in the bastard clan….we always catch the sarcasm. 😀 )
- Innoculatte (v.) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Hipatitis (n.) Terminal coolness
- Osteopornosis (n.) A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit. All the Bastards have this one too.)
- Karmageddon (n.) It’s like, when everybody is sending off these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it is a serious bummer.
- Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the consuming of only things that are good for you.
- Glibido (v.) All talk and no action.
- Dopelar effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
- Anarchnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just as you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the the form of a mosquito that gets in your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
And the pick of the literature:
IGNORANUS: (n.) A person who is stupid and an asshole.
Stolen from Susan with her permission.