A New Year’s wish for you and yours
May you get a clean bill of health
from your dentist, your ophthalmologist, your psychiatrist,
your cardiologist, your urologist,
your proctologist, your gynaecologist, your podiatrist,
your plumber, and The I.R.S.
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift,
your love handles, and your stocks never fall,
and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides,
your cholesterol, your white blood count, your weight,
and your property assessments never increase.
May you be sensitive to the needs of others
and may you create within yourself
a balance of your own needs.
May you laugh at yourself
and realize if you were supposed to touch your toes
the Lord would have placed them further up,
and may you realize the reason so many people
take up jogging is to hear heavy breathing again.
May what you see in the mirror delight you
and what others see in you delight them.
May someone love you enough to accept
and forgive your faults and be blind to your blemishes,
and tell the whole world about your virtues.