1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It is called ‘Ministers do More than Lay People’.
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss……..The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightening…..one brilliant flash and it’s gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies….I tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled, and all that ice really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be that the only things in life that were inevitable were death and taxes. Now of course there’s shipping and handling too.
8. A blonde said, ‘I was worried about being ripped off by my mechanic. I was relieved when he told me I only needed was turn signal fluid.”
9. My neighbor was bit by a rabid dog. I went to see how he was and saw him writing frantically. I told him rabies was treatable and not to worry about writing a will. “Will, What will” he said “I’m making a list of the people I want to bite”.
10. Definition of a teenager – God’s punishment for enjoying sex.
11. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Stolen from my sister, Elaine. If I TOLD her I was going to publish this, is it stealing?