Crazy excuses

In all my years in the working world, expecially as a supervisor, I’ve heard all kinds of crazy excuses for not showing up to work.  Today, I think I used the craziest I’ve ever heard.

Me:  Lisa, I know you’ve been a boss for years.  What is the craziest excuse you have ever heard for a person not coming to work?

Lisa:  I’ve heard one or two.

Me:  Well here’s mine.  I lost my bottom denture.  Went to bed with it in my mouth last night.  This morning it was gone.  It is now 4:30 PM and I haven’t found it yet.  Looks like I won’t be to work til I get my new one back.  I just left the dentist and it won’t be ready til Monday or Tuesday.

Lisa:  WHAT!?!?!?!?

Me:  I kid you not.  I tore up my room a few times.  Tore my bed down to the floor.  I didn’t get up in the night.  I thought I was just in a panic, so I got Adam (the Bastard Jr.) to look.  Same thing. 

Lisa:  DID YOU SWALLOW IT?

Me:  Well while I was thinking I looked up on the internet ‘swallowed dentures’.  It talked about the thousands of people it happens to each year, so I went to the doctor.  X-ray showed nothing.

Lisa:  What do you think happened? 

Me:  I think the tooth fairy stole it.  Hell, I don’t know!!!  I just know that it have shelled out $1,200.00 for a new one.  I’m depressed!!!

Lisa:  OK, I’ll tell Dee (my supervisor).  I hope you find your teeth.

Me:  Me too.  Every one needs a spare set of teeth.  (insert sarcasm here)

St. Anthony, patron saint of lost stuff…….HELP!

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23 Responses to Crazy excuses

  1. Mr Angry says:

    OK, that is just gawd-dammed HI-LARIOUS! I understand your stress and depression at the cost of replacement but that is pure comedy gold! Something as significant as dentures simply disappearing! It was aliens! Call the x-files!

  2. My dad once lost his hearing aid. It was one of those small ones that sticks inside his ear. He Couldn’t figure out what happened to it. Come to find out a few days earlier he recalled sitting in his lazy-boy watching TV and munching on some cashews. He sometimes takes his hearing aid out while watching TV because he has some of those wireless speakers on his end table that he cranks up. Well while chowing down on his bowl of cashews he picked his hearing aid up and ate it! Thinking it was one hell of a hard cashew at the time he was eating it.

    I never asked if he found it. How I look forward to getting old!

  3. Sandra says:

    Dudley : My Dad used to say that living to ripe old age is not what it’s cracked up to be. More and more I’m seeing what he means!

  4. Hellboy says:

    that’s cool but unfortunately cant use it myself.
    you look dangerous swallowing things, are yo an ostrich?

  5. Sandra says:

    lol Keith. I have a long neck – but not THAT long. 🙂

  6. Karin says:

    Remember the dream I had about you giving one of the kids a good chewing out and your dentures fell out? Well…I believe that aliens crept into your home, and abducted them–thinking they were some form of intelligent life form. Better yet, that NASA psycho chick took them with her to FL!

  7. Sandra says:

    Karin – that is why I said I thought you would enjoy this. I remember the dream!

  8. susan says:

    i would totally retire if i was losing my teeth…heard of losing your hair and going bald but this is toooooo much!!

  9. Debe says:

    now that’s just weird

  10. Sandra says:

    Susan – can’t retire – gotta pay for new choppers!

    Debe – that is cause I’M weird!

  11. Debe says:

    hey, Sandra, can you email me (dlbaqua@aol.com) I got a question for you and I don’t have your email addy

  12. Charline says:

    Poor Sandra,!!!
    That is my fear!! Everytime I am cleaning and I drop them in the sink my heart beats like crazy that they will break. We need a “warenty” for replacement $12,000!
    Maybe the aliens will bring them back and you will have a spare!!!

  13. old thang says:

    lmao!!!!!!! u made fun of me and had big laffs about me trying to take mine as medicine when i was so out of it from seizures. now tha laffs on u. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! roflmao

  14. Sandra says:

    Thomas…….pbttttttttttttttttttt :-)~~~~~~~~~~~

  15. Sandra says:

    Charline – still haven’t found the damn things. 😦

  16. Charline says:

    You may be getting laughs at them disappearing and not being able to find them. I shared it with Rick and he said well did you share any of the “millions” of things that have disappeared and out of the blue just show up around here of yours! It made me think of things that I knew should be here or there and wouldn’t be and then days or weeks or even months “it” just shows up. So who knows the tooth fairy might bring them back when you least expect it.

  17. susan says:

    have you had enough oatmeal and mashed potatoes lately??

  18. john says:

    very clever response from a woman who lost her teeth in her sleep! insert joke regarding sex and false teeth……

  19. Well, it’s common knowledge to some, but for others it’s all new.

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