Weather report

January 31, 2007

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  Damn it is cold.  Rain, sleet……………..COLD. 

I HATE winter.  I shouldn’t bitch….we had no winter last year.  We are certainly making up for it this year. 

The cold hurts me.  My joints ache.  Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


As you slide down the banister of life…….

January 25, 2007

1.  Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.  It is called ‘Ministers do More than Lay People’.

2.  Transvestite:  A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3.  The difference between the Pope and your boss……..The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4.  My mind works like lightening… brilliant flash and it’s gone.

5.  The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

6.  I hate sex in the movies….I tried it once.  The seat folded up, the drink spilled, and all that ice really chilled the mood.

7.  It used to be that the only things in life that were inevitable were death and taxes.  Now of course there’s shipping and handling too.

8.  A blonde said, ‘I was worried about being ripped off by my mechanic.  I was relieved when he told me I only needed was turn signal fluid.”

9.  My neighbor was bit by a rabid dog.  I went to see how he was and saw him writing frantically.  I told him rabies was treatable and not to worry about writing a will.  “Will, What will” he said “I’m making a list of the people I want to bite”.

10.  Definition of a teenager – God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

11.  As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

Stolen from my sister, Elaine.  If I TOLD her I was going to publish this, is it stealing?

Return home

January 21, 2007

I am home from my road trip and all I can say is Thank GOD!

The trip to Midland was uneventful.  There was some rain but nothing freezing.  I was cold but the roads were clear.  The conference was held in the Clarion in Midland.  I am here to tell you -DON’T STAY IN THE CLARION IN MIDLAND!!!  My first room I was in for a total of an hour.  I called the front desk about 10 times.  The only thing that worked in the room was the air conditioner.  They assured me as soon as they could get to it they would send maintenance to fix it.  They were explaining to me that many of the rooms had the same problem as mine and they were working just as hard as they could to get them fixed.  It’s pretty amazing that when I went to get my badge and conference packet that all the maintenance people were in their little office with their feet up having coffee.  I went to the desk and said ‘ok – give me another room or a refund – I need warmth!’  They did give me another room.  Pack up and move again.  The heat was working and it felt wonderful.  The rooms had the small coffeemakers.  Beside the coffee maker were the mugs with dirty well used paper towels in them.  OMG, blech.  I made sure all the coffee I drank was from the AA hospitality room.  This conference has been in the making since last fall.  You would think that the hotel would at least have been somewhat prepared for the appearance of people from all over the United States in their facility.

The AA Speakers were wonderful.  I especially enjoyed yesterday mornings speaker, Polly from California.  She was witty and wonderful and an inspiration to me.  I picked up a couple of CD’s, but not of this conference, but two nuns in recovery.  I listened to them in the cd player on the way home.  They were so funny.  And proof that if JUST believing in God were enough, there would be no need for Alcoholics Anonymous.  Those gals had more faith going in than I’ve ever had.

I saw a few old friends…..very few.  Many had moved, many more had died.  Some of them had simply disappeared.  My first and favorite sponsor was one of the dead.  She used to listen to me rant and rave and throw fits.  Then she would say…..’well, you know you can do what ever you have to do, but I suggest you pray about that.’  Pray?  PRAY???  Pray hell, I’ve got real problems!!!  She was wonderful.  She was a good 20 years older than me.  She was funny, beautiful and a real flashy dresser.  I would say “Sue, you are so beautiful, what is your secret?”  She said, “If it doesn’t look a little whoreish…..don’t wear it!”  I chose this woman to be my sponsor on something she said from the podium the first time I met her.  She said “I was a daily drunk and a periodic marryier.”  I thought “I’VE FOUND A SPONSOR!!!”

The truth is this.  We suffer from a fatal malady.  Over 90% of all people who have alcoholism die from it before ever having any kind of treatment at all.  The rest of us are just a bunch of walking miracles.

Road Trip

January 18, 2007

Going to the mid-winter AA conference in Midland tomorrow.  Prolly gonna freeze my arse off, but if I make it there alive it will be good.

I lived in Midland 20 years ago.  It was shortly after the oil business went bust.  There were more vacant houses than occupied.  We lived in a house right across the street from the only operating pump jack in the city.  I worked in my very first treatment job.  A halfway house for recovering alcoholics. 

That is where my first and favorite sponsor lived.  She came to another city where I lived.  She was the speaker at a meeting.  She introduced herself as a daily drunk and a periodic marryier, and I knew this was someone I could relate to.  Sue is dead now, but I’m sure there are many people that I knew that are still alive and still in recovery.

See y’all next week.  😀

New office

January 12, 2007

For the first time in 20 years I have an office all to myself.  I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing.  I am the one that suggested the move, as I was sharing my office with 4 other people.  It was either move me or them and they need to be nearer all the action.  So my office is down on the south end of the building next door to my supervisor.  I started moving all my stuff last night.  This wouldn’t be bad, but first I had to clean out the office I’m moving into.  It had about 15 guitars, a keyboard, box after box of recycled eyeglasses that we’re working on for the lions club, kitchen supplies and boxes of duffle bags for the kids going on furlough and being released.  There was not even a trail, solid stuff wall to wall.  Thank God for kids, they helped me get it all moved.

I am still transitional – just waiting for my IT to come get my computer outlet working.  My old office is certainly not mine anymore.  All the pictures are down.  Everything that was ME is gone.  And when I looked at it one last time before I left, I thought – the next time I do this………it will be for good.

Closing thoughts for 2006

January 8, 2007

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

10. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

14. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

15. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

16. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

22. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

25. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

26. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

27. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. . .  it’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Shamelessly stolen from Rick

January 4, 2007

A New Year’s wish for you and yours 

May you get a clean bill of health
from your dentist, your ophthalmologist, your psychiatrist,
your cardiologist, your urologist,
your proctologist, your gynaecologist, your podiatrist,
your plumber, and  The I.R.S.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift,
your love handles, and your stocks never fall,
 and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides,
 your cholesterol, your white blood count, your weight,
and your property assessments never increase.

May you be sensitive to the needs of others
and may you create within yourself
a balance of your own needs.

May you laugh at yourself
and realize if you were supposed to touch your toes
while exercising,
the Lord would have placed them further up,
 and may you realize the reason so many people
 take up jogging is to hear heavy breathing again.

May what you see in the mirror delight you
and what others see in you delight them.

May someone love you enough to accept
and forgive your faults and be blind to your blemishes,
 and tell the whole world about your virtues.